The Drinking Water or Genetics Gone Wild?

Scientists Discover Plagiary Genes in Vincennes, IN

Last week, a group of teen-aged genetic archaeologists were shocked to discover what could be the genes that cause a bad writer posing as a publisher to plagiarize.  Authorities are still searching for the owner of the genes.

"Somebody wore them," said an un-identified source in the Vincennes Police Department.  "Sooner or later they'll run out of identities to hide behind."

Marie Cruz, noted expert in posing as people she's not, said, "These kids should get a medal.  If they've located the precursor genetic strands that cause people to steal intellectual property and claim it as their own, we need to name something after them.  Like maybe a prison or something."

Names of the young scientists are not being released until they secure a media agent.

"This is the second major discovery of plagiary roots in the State of Indiana in the last seven or eight months," said Professor Steven Ricecakes.  "First that Caswell thing.  That was bad enough.  I thought we were going to have to change the name of the state it was so embarassing.  Then along comes David B. Boyer.  Ouch.  Now we really need to change the state name.  You think people in Indiana want the rest of the world to know they live in the same state as Caswell and David B. Boyer?"

In fact, investigators from the Human Genome Project are thinking of sending water pollution experts to Vincennes, Indiana, to determine if contaminated water could be the "Patient Zero" of the recent outbreak of Plagiarizing Publishers that have humiliated the whole state.

Director Tanya Sterilize says it's dangerous work looking into stupidity.  "I tell my investigators not to drink the water when they're in off the grid little towns like Vincennes, Indiana or they could end up stealing stuff and selling it under an alias.  Maybe it's not a gene causing this thing but some kind of squirming little parasite in the water.  Think about it- you are what you  drink.  If you've got parasites in your water, you'll get parasites in your stomach and sooner or later in your head."

Parasites in the head.

What better definition for the word "plagiarist?"

Indiana, a Plagiarist's Paradise

Indiana, the state where plagiarizing publishers are pampered.  Consider the case of David B. Boyer, still on the loose selling plagiarized materials through Amazon, through Lulu, etc..  Consider the Consumer Fraud Division that won't shut him down because he's just stealing from writers.  That's you and me.

Writers don't have rights, do they?  A book full of stolen materials is a physical product and to sell it under false label (without the author's permission and under someone else's name) is consumer fraud.  So why isn't the Assistant Attorney General of Indiana closing down the state's most blatant plagiarizing scam publisher- namely David B. Boyer of Vincennes, IN?

Consumer fraud is a crime.  Knowingly publishing plagiarized writing and selling it to consumers is clearly Consumer Fraud.  However, the Assistant Attorney General of Indiana hasn't been treating our complaints as such because we're just writers.

So I'm going to up the game and start writing to the Attorney General of Indiana, and congressmen in Indiana pointing out that this kind of lax enforcement gives their state a bad name.

Right now David B. Boyer is still selling plagiarized writing from a variety writers both known and unknown.  He sells them under his own name and under many aliases.

We writers have to demand that the State Attorney General treat this as fraud.

Look, they want us all to file copyright infringement suits across state lines against nickel and dime con artists like David B. Boyer of Vincennes, IN.  Well, the fact is creeps like Boyer are stealing from writers, producing a falsely labeled product and selling it across state lines via the Internet.  It's a crime.  They're criminals.

But because we're only writers and it's only "intellectual property," we're all supposed to roll over for these spineless thieves.

No way.

I'm going to start this ball rolling again.  I'll take all the help I can get.  You've all been great so far but I'm going to ask for your help again.  We need to band together against this.  

Plagiarism and re-publishing for profit is a crime and I'm going to work to see creeps like David B. Boyer locked up.

He sent me a confession.  I can't wait to find the right law enforcement officer to send it to.

Murder or Accidental Death- You Decide

Friends and family were distraught by news regarding the unexpected death of Bart the Chicken at a Vincennes, Indiana landfill yesterday.  Although police are still investigating the popular bird's passing, they have not collected sufficient evidence to rule out foul play.

"An unidentified suspect dumped a printout of David B. Boyer's plagiarisms and copyright infringements in the landfill at the edge of town sometime late Thursday night" said the detective in charge of the WTF investigative squad.  "It was a huge amount of paper and Bart just loved to eat paper.  Lots of birds do.  I had a crow that ate my grandmother's recipe for Plagiary Pie a year back.  We had to pump the poor little guy's stomach.  And that was only three pages!"

"Can you tell this reporter how many pages were printed out of Boyer's plagiaries?"  I asked.

The detective cocked his head toward the brooding Indiana sky as though looking for guidance.

"Well," he said finally, "a scientist from Vincennes University told us if you took all the ink used to print out David B. Boyer's plagiaries, poured it into a giant spaceship and dumped it on the sun, you could cause a complete and total eclipse that might destroy all life on planet Earth for a thousand years."

"Wow,"  I said.

"That's what I said," he agreed.  "And remember, Bart the Chicken only ate a fraction of Boyer's printed plagiaries.  If he ate all the pages or, say we stuffed them down his beak with a hydraulic plunger, why there'd be such an explosion we'd have feathers from here to New Jersey."

"And chicken shit,"  I added.

Since I've been investigating Boyer's plagiaries, I think of that phrase every time I hear his name.

The Origin of Ninja Weapons and Tools

"Bats in the Rafters" 

used with the permission of artist Michel Farivar

Right now I'm fortunate to be editing the new edition of Michel Farivar, MD's classic work on Ninja weaponry.   Dr. Farivar has added intriguing new materials and observations for the second edition, as well as several new pieces of artwork portraying the deadly techniques associated with these weapons.  His richly original and though provoking research into the darkly arcane world  of Ninja killing tools makes for chilling reading.

Dr. Farivar is uniquely qualified to write this book.  In addition to be being a practicing psychiatrist and wonderfully gifted artist, Dr. Farivar was taught the art of ninjutsu by world famous Grandmaster Robert Law of the Geijin Ryu.

I'll let you know when the new edition is ready for press.

Blu Gilliand Joins White Cat Magazine as Our New Book Reviewer

Blu Gilliand is a marvelously thoughtful reviewer and we're happy to have him on board over at White Cat Magazine.  He's already reviewed several books for us and he did such a great job we just had to ask him to join us.  Being a serious reviewer like Blu takes a lot of talent, and a passion for books.

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of meeting him yet, here's his bio:

"As a reader and writer, Blu Gilliand's interests range far and wide, from the classics of Hemingway and Faulkner, to the adventurous non-fiction of Jon Krakauer and Susan Casey, to the four-color exploits from Dark Horse and IDW. But his heart lies in horror, thanks to a chance encounter many years ago with Stephen King's Pet Sematary. That book set him on a course leading to his current work as a writer of fiction (for Shroud magazine, Dark Discoveries magazine, and several anthologies and websites) and non-fiction (for Horror World, FEARnet.com, Ain't It Cool News, and many others). Last year he started his own blog devoted to horror and crime fiction, October Country, as a further outlet for his interviews, reviews and rambling.

Blu lives in the great state of Alabama with his wife, their twin daughters, and an ever-expanding cast of pets. In his spare time (ha!) he enjoys photography, movies, taking the kids to the park and heading down the interstate to the beach every chance he gets."

Team of Surgeons Mull Conscience Transplant for Vincennes, Indiana Plagiarist

Of all the earlier pieces of investigative articles I've published on David Boyer, the serial plagiarist from Vincennes, Indiana, this piece got the most reaction.  Except from Oprah, who never returned my emails or calls, but did send me a coupon for the new chain of restaurants she's opening in Egypt.


The research behind this article gave me the idea for the book in progress "American Sleaze."   And it led me to a source who was more than willing to dish out details on David Boyer and his seedy plagiaries. I'll post segments of these shocking interviews over the next few weeks, and they form the thematic backdrop of the new book.


Here's the investigative piece that started my wheels turning:

*****

Las Vegas oddsmakers are giving odds of 20:1 against the notorious plagiarist David Boyer of Vincennes, Indiana accepting a remarkable offer from the Arkham College of Neurosurgeons to attempt the world's first Conscience Transplant.

Dr. F. Lobe urged Mr. Boyer to accept the offer.

"What's to lose?" she said.  "Talk to the man's victims- he's done nothing for them, not even admit publicly that he plagiarized them.  So I'm saying to him, like a doctor and a good mother- get a conscience, even a little one can't hurt."

Finding a conscience donor, however, could be tricky.  He will need a real conscience, one from someone recognized for their integrity, to balance his morality deficit.  Scientist Sarah Bellum, PhD points out that Boyer's brain currently registers negative on the conscience scale.  "Of course," she admits, "I've only scanned him from a distance.  I didn't want to get too close in case he felt tempted to steal my doctoral thesis."

This reporter contacted the Ghandi Institute in India, since the headquarters in Pontiac, MI did not return our phone calls.

"Ghandhi's dead,"  said Rasheej Gukathason, the security guard who answered the phone.  (time differences can be very tricky, even for an investigative journalist).  "His conscience is gone someplace.  Who knows where?  Don't ask me, I'm just the security guard."

"Where does the conscience go after death?" I asked.

A burst of solar radiation most likely was the cause of the dial tone that followed my question.

I later contacted a mysterious man known only as "The Donor Hunter," and he suggested that Donor Consciences could be purchased if you knew the right people.  "Charlie Sheen, for example," he said.  "He used to have a conscience, but he's not using it now.  Maybe for bond money he'll sell it if you have enough cash.  Or go to politicians.  They have absolutely no use for them.  And some of them lie better than Boyer so it would be a good match.  And they always swear they've done nothing wrong, just like he does."

"So his brain won't reject the conscience in question if it comes from an out of control actor or a sleazy politician?"

"Exactly," said the Donor Hunter.

"But then he'll still suffer from Conscience-Deficit Syndrome," I pointed out.

The Donor Hunter's mouth dropped open.

"You thought he was going to change?"  I asked.

"What was I thinking?" he wondered.

New Movie Reviewer at White Cat Magazine

We're proud to announce the addition of George Beremov as our new movie reviewer over at White Cat Magazine.  George is a devoted fan of cinema, and we became acquainted through his blog at http://cinemarvellous.blogspot.com

I was so impressed with his work that I invited him join our staff.  You can see his first review for us of the movie "Mirror Mirror" over at White Cat right now.

Join with me if you will to welcome George to our team.

Oh No, There Goes Tokyo Again!

Japanese Writer Terrified of Boyerzilla

*****

To get myself into the mood for really digging into the fact based, hard charging journalist mood of finishing the book "Indiana Sleaze," I went through a few of my earlier articles about the sleazy serial plagiarist David Boyer of Vincennes, Indiana.  I was surprised to find that I'd missed the international ramifications of his plagiarisms.  By the time I was done reading my own work, I was seriously fired up, pulled out my press pass (yes, I have one), shined it til the reflection burned a hole in the wall and got working.  I am finishing the last of the 75 inquiries I've penned to officials in his home town, 74 of which have the same last name.

While I finish the last letter, read the facts below and you'll see why all of Japan is in mortal terror of Boyerzilla.

*****

According to early reports, Japanese fiction writers were so terrified of Boyerzilla that they were forced to conceal Mothra, Rhodan and even the mighty Godzilla in undisclosed theme parks and Putt-Putt golf courses scattered throughout the Land of the Rising Sun. The initial effort did turn out well due to size restrictions (it's hard to hide a giant moth under a windmill). It was not until Minister of Literacy Ichiro Murakami conceived of hiding these three greatest of all Japanese superheroes in an exhibit called "Land of the Giants" that the general reading public was able to breathe a sigh of relief.

Hoping for another Boyergate scoop, I Skyped Minister Murakami.

"Hello," I said. "Can you both see and hear me?"

"What are you selling?" replied the Minister. "I already have insurance."

I sensed a certain level of frustration in his voice.

"I'm a reporter," I said, "hot on the trail of breaking news stories that concern David Boyer, the serial plagiarist from Vincennes, Indiana."

"I have no time for reporters. Writers are rioting in the streets. There is looting here. When rumors started that the cow-tongued plagiarist David Boyer had grown to such monstrous proportions he was looking overseas for things to steal, the whole Japanese population went mad!"

"Calm down," I told him. "I don't even think David Boyer knows where Japan is."

"How can I be calm? Mothra is not safe. Rhodan is not safe. Godzilla is not safe. Boyer is writing film scripts so bad his cats use them for litter. Soon he'll start stealing our film scripts and putting his name on them. If he claims he wrote the script for the movie "Godzilla," our whole nation will jump into the sea. Godzilla is Japanese. Mothra and Rhodan are Japanese. We live through a tidal wave and a nuclear meltdown only to have to worry about Boyerzilla stealing our stuff?!"

"Minister," I cautioned, "Boyer can't read Japanese so he's not likely to plagiarize Japanese Godzilla movies."

His image waivered as he shouted and banged his fist on the table.

"He can't write in American, but he plagiarizes Americans. What do you say to that?"

Sure, bring that up.

"He lives in Vincennes, Indiana and he plagiarizes Vincennes writers!"

"I have to admit that sounds bad," I said.

"He claims to be Christian, but he plagiarizes Christian writers!"

I had to turn down the volume on my computer speakers- they were starting to vibrate.

"But Minister Murakami- " I said, but he cut me off before I could complete my sentence.

"No buts!!! He likes monster movies. Our monsters are the best. He plagiarized Dean Koontz, why wouldn't he plagiarize Godzilla?"

"Godzilla didn't write the movie scripts, Minister, He's just a monster-actor. So Boyer wouldn't technically be plagiarizing Godzilla himself."

The icy stare he gave me through my computer screen was so cold I shivered.

"You mean Godzilla is a film writer?"

He nodded.

"Wow," I said. "There's a movie script in this."

I know I shouldn't have said that because it made him so mad he spit on his webcam. It looked like a giant mucous meteorite hurtling at me. Then he clicked off without a word.

Hmmm.... Boyerzilla versus the Giant Mucous Meteorite.

There's a movie script in that.

*****

To preserve my journalistic integrity, I gave myself written permission to reprint the above article.  

Borgo

This is the cover in progress for my new novel "Borgo" which will be out later this year.  The fonts will be changed   to silver and pewter, but I like the cover art so much I thought I'd see what the rest of you think.

Also, my novel "The Ghost Box" will be available in two or three weeks in eBook format and then in print two months later.  "Tainted Blood" will be out in print about the same time.

Free "Tainted Blood" Promotion!

Starting today and lasting through April 6th, "Tainted Blood," will be Free through Amazon Kindle.  Click here to download it for free.  We're already at #19 in the number of Kindle Horror downloads in the US and #20 in the UK, so keep downloading!  Help us get to number one!!


It's hard to find a better price.


Just scheduled this at 11:00 a.m. Monday, April 2, and it may take a few hours or maybe even til tomorrow morning to show up as free, plus or minus an electron.

Spring Issue of White Cat Magazine is Online!

We'll be working all day and into the evening to post the Spring Edition of White Cat Magazine.  So if you have time, stop on over and read the new stories.

The winner of our April Fool's Flash Fiction contest is Alex Hughes whose story Cartoon Bastard Clouds has rather a surprise ending to put it mildly.

We have a marvelously off-kilter story by the always entertaining Marissa Lingen titled Dinosaurs of the Southern Dust Bowl.

If you enjoy end of the world stories (and who doesn't), there's always the intriguing Centralia, by the British writer Tony Haynes.

Dystopic science fiction is represented in fine form by the sharp-edged short story Breaking the Ice, by the Australian writer Robert N. Stephenson.

We also have an eerie ghost story Tryst by Brian K. Lowe that our editors just loved.

There'll be more going up later tonight, but til then- enjoy!

Oops.  Got to go.  It looks like she needs help with her typewriter.