Scientists Discover Plagiary Genes in Vincennes, IN
Last week, a group of teen-aged genetic archaeologists were shocked to discover what could be the genes that cause a bad writer posing as a publisher to plagiarize. Authorities are still searching for the owner of the genes.
"Somebody wore them," said an un-identified source in the Vincennes Police Department. "Sooner or later they'll run out of identities to hide behind."
Marie Cruz, noted expert in posing as people she's not, said, "These kids should get a medal. If they've located the precursor genetic strands that cause people to steal intellectual property and claim it as their own, we need to name something after them. Like maybe a prison or something."
Names of the young scientists are not being released until they secure a media agent.
"This is the second major discovery of plagiary roots in the State of Indiana in the last seven or eight months," said Professor Steven Ricecakes. "First that Caswell thing. That was bad enough. I thought we were going to have to change the name of the state it was so embarassing. Then along comes David B. Boyer. Ouch. Now we really need to change the state name. You think people in Indiana want the rest of the world to know they live in the same state as Caswell and David B. Boyer?"
In fact, investigators from the Human Genome Project are thinking of sending water pollution experts to Vincennes, Indiana, to determine if contaminated water could be the "Patient Zero" of the recent outbreak of Plagiarizing Publishers that have humiliated the whole state.
Director Tanya Sterilize says it's dangerous work looking into stupidity. "I tell my investigators not to drink the water when they're in off the grid little towns like Vincennes, Indiana or they could end up stealing stuff and selling it under an alias. Maybe it's not a gene causing this thing but some kind of squirming little parasite in the water. Think about it- you are what you drink. If you've got parasites in your water, you'll get parasites in your stomach and sooner or later in your head."
Parasites in the head.
What better definition for the word "plagiarist?"