Friends and family were distraught by news regarding the unexpected death of Bart the Chicken at a Vincennes, Indiana landfill yesterday. Although police are still investigating the popular bird's passing, they have not collected sufficient evidence to rule out foul play.
"An unidentified suspect dumped a printout of David B. Boyer's plagiarisms and copyright infringements in the landfill at the edge of town sometime late Thursday night" said the detective in charge of the WTF investigative squad. "It was a huge amount of paper and Bart just loved to eat paper. Lots of birds do. I had a crow that ate my grandmother's recipe for Plagiary Pie a year back. We had to pump the poor little guy's stomach. And that was only three pages!"
"Can you tell this reporter how many pages were printed out of Boyer's plagiaries?" I asked.
The detective cocked his head toward the brooding Indiana sky as though looking for guidance.
"Well," he said finally, "a scientist from Vincennes University told us if you took all the ink used to print out David B. Boyer's plagiaries, poured it into a giant spaceship and dumped it on the sun, you could cause a complete and total eclipse that might destroy all life on planet Earth for a thousand years."
"Wow," I said.
"That's what I said," he agreed. "And remember, Bart the Chicken only ate a fraction of Boyer's printed plagiaries. If he ate all the pages or, say we stuffed them down his beak with a hydraulic plunger, why there'd be such an explosion we'd have feathers from here to New Jersey."
"And chicken shit," I added.
Since I've been investigating Boyer's plagiaries, I think of that phrase every time I hear his name.