Saturday, May 26, 2012

Third Party Candidate Enters Presidential Race

Finally a candidate has come forward who can deal with the illegal alien issue.  

More than that, Quintelex (which is only a facsimile pronunciation of his name) is variable bi-gender, thus allowing this new entrant to help the American people to at last rise above gender issues.  On his home planet (somewhere in the fourth knot of string theory)  neither same sex nor opposite sex marriage is possible for obvious reasons.

As a writer, I find Quintelex and his candidacy very interesting.

Unfortunately, the "birther" issue has raised its ugly head.  Quintelex was born during an overnight stop in Kansas in 1892 during the Crop Circle Festival.  No state in the Union knows how to celebrate crop circles like Kansas.  As Donald Trump pointed out yesterday, "Where's the proof?  If he/she is from Regula or Hawaii, it's no matter to me, but he can't run without proof of citizenship."  Mitt Romney has already called for Quintelex to "self-deport" and Barack Obama drove home the point that "You can't keep people out with a border fence when they come from the sky."

Trump hammered home his case.  "If he/she is a legal citizen, where's his/her Facebook page?"

As I writer, I find this really interesting.

Quintelex has a real chance of getting on the ballots come November if the age issue doesn't sink the feisty Regulan's candidacy.  At age 120 earth years, Quintelex would be the oldest US president in the history of the United States.  Efforts by the candidate to date  to explain that 120 years is the Regulan equivalent of 18, have not been able to quiet voter concerns, particularly since Miley Cyrus announced her support of the candidate.

But this newest entrant into the US political fray has one thing going for him that beats Mitt Romney's hair and Barack Obama's singing voice- he can't speak.

Regulans have no vocal cords whatsoever.

Think of it.

A presidential candidate who can't talk.  A presidential candidate we won't have to listen to.


This reporter is impressed.


Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

If he can understand the literal interpretation of the Constitution and Bill of Rights and defend it as is in the oath of office, he'll be one up on both candidates running now. :)

Rick said...

Shhhh. Don't hurt his feelings, Bernard. Quintellex thought both documents were required on our planet.

If he ever found out that "Doody Goes Cattle Farming" is read more than either document, he'd be crushed.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I still say we'd be better off with a Golden Retriever as president. He'd be a great peacekeeper because upon entering any room, all people would want to do is pet him.

Rick said...

I bow to your wisdom, Alex, although you've broken our chihuahua's heart.

Charles Gramlich said...

That sounds like a candidate I could vote for. I just worry about him shipping all our remaining jobs offworld.

Rick said...

I'll have our staff put that question to Quintelex. You've raised a serious issue, Charles.