Thursday, May 24, 2012

Garden of Eden Found and "Tainted Blood" is Now Available in Print



My werewolf novel "Tainted Blood" is finally available in paperback.  The cover image hasn't loaded yet, but it takes a week or two to show.  Price for the print version is $15.99.

Wait- I sound like an infomercial.  I should throw in some Ginsu knives so I could say, "But wait, there's more."  Then I could throw in a free juicing machine.

If you can't tell I wanted very badly to either write for the world's greatest magazine, "The Weekly World News," or be the lead guy in info-mercials.  I watch re-runs of Orgreenic frying pan presentations, Orek vacuum cleaning commercials, Intensity Workout infomercials and Dance Away the Pounds.

So I'm tempted, really tempted to do a "Tainted Blood" info-mercial.

That way I could do my first "Buy Now!"

I could say "Tainted Blood" is yours right now in three easy payments if you act right now.

Or I could say that if you don't buy, I'll give your number to both political parties and say you love phone calls. Now that's what I call gangsta sales.

Or, I could go back to writing the second in the series, called "The White Death."

First I have to go back and read the classic Weekly World News Classic story "Garden of Eden Found!"  by the brilliant reporter Frank Lake.  Here's an excerpt demonstrating why he should replace Walter Cronkite as America's reporting icon:


“The RMS  (radioactive mass spectrometer) was showing an extremely small dense object 30 feet underground” Colonel Pentine said, “We called in the hazmat team to dig it up.”


Dressed in radiation-proof uniforms, soldiers began excavating the area. What they discovered seemed harmless enough: The withered remains of an ancient tree.

“The bark looked as if it ha been blasted by lightning. Pentine said. “We dug carefully around the trunk and soon unearthed the skeletal remains of a large snake beside the mass we had been reading.

“The object was red and looked like an apple,” she said.

You can see why my childhood dream was to work for the Weekly World News.  Matter of fact, if they called me today, I'd still take the job.

15 comments:

Charles Gramlich said...

The White death eh? sounds intriguing.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Congratulations! And I think the political party phone calls threat might work.

Michael Offutt, Tebow Cult Initiate said...

Huzzah! I also love the gif you made!

Rick said...

Hi Charles- "The White Death" is set in the salt mines that go for miles underneath Detroit. Cool place to visit, bad place to find a monster in.

Rick said...

I thought the political party phone calls threat was kinder and gentler than Tasers, but it might actually be worse!

Rick said...

If I claimed credit for the .gif or the artwork, Michael, the artist and web programmer would beat me like a rented mule.

Bernard Lee DeLeo said...

I'll tell you one thing - that is one impressive post banner!

Rick said...

Oh yeah, Bernard- wait til you see next week's!

Travis Cody said...

It's like a blinking sign along the highway, luring me. This book is on my list...now I just need to get up the courage to read it. Scary books scare me.

Rick said...

You'll be safe, Travis- unless you're reading it during a full moon...

Patsy said...

A snake with a skeleton? Ummm ...

Patsy said...

Just Googled - they're cool. I get easily distracted.

Hope the book sales go well.

Rick said...

Patsy, don't forget that red object that looks like an apple! And I think you're right- the Weekly World News is very cool.

Tyhitia Green said...

Rick,

I love that werewolf! It's eye-catching. :-D

And the story sounds interesting too.

Rick said...

Tyhitia, since I wrote it, I'm going to have to agree that it's an interesting story!